Breathe
by Crystal Dawn
Summary: A long poem about Xellos' feelings for Filia. Not exactly light and fluffy here.


**Disclaimer:** Insert standard disclaimer "Please don't sue me" garbage here. No one would want to sue me anyway. Can't get blood outta a turnip, after all! ^-^ And yes, I know I said I was swearing off the ANGST, but this... really isn't ANGST. Oh well. This might get a little violent, too. And sadistic. So you were warned.

Breathe

by Crystal Dawn Phoenix

Ever since I was a young one,

I was taught to hunt you,

to hurt you, to kill you.

And then I met you.

It wasn't that I really had any

true feelings of hate for your

kind, either. It's all just a job

for me, only just a game.

Then came the day that I saw

you for the first time. A being of

light, purity, love, and hope.

Oh, how I hated you.

The white and shining gold,

mixing together in the sunlight,

forming a blur that was somehow

entrancing, enchanting me.

Even with your stinging words,

you excited me. How many years

had gone by since I'd met

someone as lively as you?

So I teased you every chance I

could find, just to hear the venom

in your voice and to see the fire

of anger in your eyes.

So now we travel on together

with all the others, bickering from

time to time, and all the while, I'm

admiring your lovely features.

The sweet, damp forest surrounds

us as we travel, the trees dappling

sunlight onto the mossy floor

of the green, shadowy woods.

I float somewhere behind you

and the rest of the group, lost in

my own black, base thoughts,

quieter than I normally am.

Oh, yes, my sweet little Gold,

if it were only you and I alone

in this forest, then I know I would

do you mischief in the wood.

I don't think you quite understand

the way my kind are, the way we

think. And unable to understand,

you hate without a reason.

We only destroy because it is the

role we were given to play in the

Drama of nature, but that isn't to

say we don't enjoy it as well.

To one of us, something you can't

quite comprehend, but pain is

affection, cruelty is attraction,

and violence is love.

That's why right now, as we walk

through the playful shadows, I wish

the others would leave you to me,

a lamb in the hands of a wolf.

I want to throw you to the forest

floor, green with moss, and hurt you,

marring your milky flesh with

bruises and painful scrapes.

I want to pin your tiny wrists with

my own hands, squeezing them

tighter until you scream for mercy

and I hear bones pop within them.

I want to feel you writhe, trying

to free yourself from my grip,

gasping in horror as you realize

you can't get away from me.

But most of all, my dear sweet

Gold, most of all, what I want

is to see you bleeding, and

bleeding only for me.

I want the blood to stain your

white robes red, making you just

as impure and unholy as you

claim me to be.

I want to have your blood on

me while I make you scream

in agony, calling my name

and begging me to stop.

I would twist my fingers

through your long blonde hair,

pulling it tighter until you

cried out in helpless agony.

But it is too late for you now,

little priestess, for you are mine

now, and just as sullied and dirty

and unclean as I am.

Ah, but I sigh, because the only

way that it would be fun at all

is if you agreed to let me hurt you

like that, of your own free will.

Perhaps I could trick you one

day into trusting a little too

much or giving more than you

know that you should.

I see you looking back at me,

over your shoulder, glaring,

perhaps noticing that I'm not

paying too much attention.

Or maybe you're noticing

the way that I was paying

attention to the way you walked

or the curve of your hips.

I put on my best gambler's

face, showing no emotion, and

give you a flippant "What?"

in response to an unasked question.

You say nothing, but turn back

around toward the others

with a 'hmph' and a shrug, but

I know you better than that.

For just a brief moment there,

when I saw your eyes just then,

I thought I saw an all-too-familiar

confused frustration in them.

I watch you walk, hair swaying,

entrancing, bright and blinding,

away from me, and I know

exactly what I want from you now.

Just breathe.


End file.
